I have been thinking lately that my blog is ALL about Mason and Cooper and never anything about me, what I'm doing, thinking, or feeling. I am usually not one to spill my deepest thoughts and feelings to people. I don't know if anyone cares to read about how I feel, I don't care if you don't and skip past the post. I need to write down how I feel, so I can look back and see how I have progressed. I don't write in a journal, so in a way, this is my journal.
Mother's Day is really great, although for me, not really necessary. I don't need a day to "feel appreciated" I know I am appreciated by my husband and children every day. When the Mason man or super Cooper decide that being respectful to me is way over rated, Jeff is quick to correct them and put them in their place. (in a nice way of course)
The day is more of a day of reflection for me...You could say that I have three moms. My biological mom, my step mom, and my mother-in-law. I can't form the words to explain the love, respect, and gratitude I have for the later two of my moms. As for my biological mom, it has taken me a long time to find anything I could be grateful for with respect to her and our relationship. Let me explain a little bit about that process I have gone through.
My biological mom has not been an active part of my life since I was six. I did live with her for about four years, from eleven to fifteen years of age. During this time of her life, she had left the gospel, began to drink, and was married (in my opinion) to an abusive, controlling, alcoholic man. Those four years of my life were a real eye-opener for me. I didn't like the living conditions, but I desperately wanted a relationship with my mother, so I put up with the constant drinking and fighting that went on between my mother and step-father. Although I never really obtained the relationship I wanted with my mother, I did walk away from that situation with a few very important decisions made:
1) I saw how empty my mother's life was without the gospel. Even though as a young teenager, my testimony of the gospel was not very strong, I knew that the only way I was going to be truly happy was to live the gospel. I decided then that I wanted to live, and be actively involved in the gospel.
2) I was never going to put my children through what I went through when my mom left my dad and her six children. I hated feeling like I would be betraying either parent if I loved the other. I hated splitting my time between parents. I basically hated the whole situation my mother created when she left. So, I decided that when the time came, (hoping that some day it would) to be married, I was going to always put my marriage, myself, and children first. I also decided that if I was ever feeling lonely, overwhelmed, unloved, or any other feelings that may eventually lead me to wanting to leave my marriage, I would speak up and let my future husband know how I was feeling.
3) While living with my mother and step-father I saw them drink (on a daily basis) and fight. (I heard more of the fighting than I saw, because I would usually go to my room once they began to argue.) I saw how alcohol ruined the quality of their lives and marriage. I decided that I didn't need to experiment with alcohol because I knew what the outcome of my life would be if I did.
So even though my mother was not a good example of how I should live my life, the example she did set was one of how I did not want my life to turn out. By seeing how her decisions affected the quality of her life, it helped me make many crucial decisions in my life. For that I am grateful.
little cheese ball
The five grandchildren on Jeff's side. From oldest to youngest. Ashley, Megan, Mason, Cooper, and Hannah. 
