Jeff has been down in Kennewick for work since early last Thursday morning. He is training a new employee the "Respiratory" side of the business. Luckily, DeAnne and Justin (my sister and bro-in-law) live in Kennewick, so Jeff has been able to stay with them instead in a boring old hotel.
I took the boys down to Kennewick on Sunday to spend the day with Jeff, and also to be there for the blessing of DeAnne and Justin's newest, Alaina. I was really worried about driving down by myself. I knew I could physically do it, but I didn't know if I could mentally handle it. What if Cooper SCREAMS the whole time? What if Mason SCREAMS at Cooper the whole time for SCREAMING the whole time? What if the boys want a snack and I can't assist them with that? What if...what if... what if...
As all these what ifs kept bombarding my brain, I would try to come up with a way to deal with the what if. I made sure I was as prepared for the what ifs as I could be.
We made it to Kennewick in one piece, and with ear drums intact. What a relief.
One funny thing, on the way down I asked the boys if they knew where we were going. Cooper shouted, DADDY'S HOUSE! This was his answer every time I asked. I guess he thought Daddy had moved out. Thankfully this is not the case.
We had a great time visiting Jeff and the rest of our family who came down for the blessing.
On the way home, both boys fell asleep, and so I had time to ponder. I came to a few conclusions about life.
1) I realized that I can do WAY more than I thought I could... I have been a "single mommy" for almost a week now and have not lost my mind once. That's a miracle. AND I have not had anxiety about staying alone at night. That is HUGE for me. Before we moved to our new house, I would get so anxious when Jeff was gone at night, it didn't matter if we were living in our apartment or our other house, I always got anxious thinking of all the worst possibilities of things that could happen to me while Jeff was gone, and so I would sit, crying, until either I fell asleep, or Jeff came home. Sad. I know.
2) I also realized that I can do difficult things, like raising our boys, without the help of Jeff. I would never choose to do these things alone, but if I ever had to, I could. Why would I ever choose to do this alone? that's crazy! My mind drifted to wondering how husbands and wives choose to separate, when the marrital issues they have are resolvable. I am not talking here about infidelity, abuse, or other serious issues, but rather "growing apart", or "falling out of love" type issues. Why do couples choose to separate? Why would you choose to raise your kids alone? Why? Why? Why? Yes, having a healthy, stable marriage takes effort, isn't it worth the effort? I would say so.
Then I asked myself this same question with regards to life. Why do people choose to go through this life alone? without their Savior, Jesus Christ? Life is hard. We all have trials in our lives. Why do people choose to go through those trials without the help and companionship of Christ? Having Jeff gone for a week has been a trial for me. I know that without the help and companionship of Christ, this trial would have been much harder on me. Yes, living the Gospel of Jesus Christ takes effort, but isn't it worth the effort? I would say so.
I took the boys down to Kennewick on Sunday to spend the day with Jeff, and also to be there for the blessing of DeAnne and Justin's newest, Alaina. I was really worried about driving down by myself. I knew I could physically do it, but I didn't know if I could mentally handle it. What if Cooper SCREAMS the whole time? What if Mason SCREAMS at Cooper the whole time for SCREAMING the whole time? What if the boys want a snack and I can't assist them with that? What if...what if... what if...
As all these what ifs kept bombarding my brain, I would try to come up with a way to deal with the what if. I made sure I was as prepared for the what ifs as I could be.
We made it to Kennewick in one piece, and with ear drums intact. What a relief.
One funny thing, on the way down I asked the boys if they knew where we were going. Cooper shouted, DADDY'S HOUSE! This was his answer every time I asked. I guess he thought Daddy had moved out. Thankfully this is not the case.
We had a great time visiting Jeff and the rest of our family who came down for the blessing.
On the way home, both boys fell asleep, and so I had time to ponder. I came to a few conclusions about life.
1) I realized that I can do WAY more than I thought I could... I have been a "single mommy" for almost a week now and have not lost my mind once. That's a miracle. AND I have not had anxiety about staying alone at night. That is HUGE for me. Before we moved to our new house, I would get so anxious when Jeff was gone at night, it didn't matter if we were living in our apartment or our other house, I always got anxious thinking of all the worst possibilities of things that could happen to me while Jeff was gone, and so I would sit, crying, until either I fell asleep, or Jeff came home. Sad. I know.
2) I also realized that I can do difficult things, like raising our boys, without the help of Jeff. I would never choose to do these things alone, but if I ever had to, I could. Why would I ever choose to do this alone? that's crazy! My mind drifted to wondering how husbands and wives choose to separate, when the marrital issues they have are resolvable. I am not talking here about infidelity, abuse, or other serious issues, but rather "growing apart", or "falling out of love" type issues. Why do couples choose to separate? Why would you choose to raise your kids alone? Why? Why? Why? Yes, having a healthy, stable marriage takes effort, isn't it worth the effort? I would say so.
Then I asked myself this same question with regards to life. Why do people choose to go through this life alone? without their Savior, Jesus Christ? Life is hard. We all have trials in our lives. Why do people choose to go through those trials without the help and companionship of Christ? Having Jeff gone for a week has been a trial for me. I know that without the help and companionship of Christ, this trial would have been much harder on me. Yes, living the Gospel of Jesus Christ takes effort, but isn't it worth the effort? I would say so.
3 comments:
Crystyne, you are awesome! Isn't it great to have these little eye openers every now and then? What a confidence boost. Jeff has been a great house guest :) He can stay anytime!
Funny, my thoughts were running in a similar direction yesterday! I agree, and you say it so clearly. Life is hard, marriage challenging, and raising kids downright exhausting (in a good way, of course) but it IS worth it! Thanks for reminding us!
Loved this post. So good for me to read today.
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